When Your Ex Doesn’t Follow the Parenting Agreement

How to Document and Respond When Co-Parenting Goes Off the Rails

It’s frustrating. You went through the hard work of creating a parenting agreement — and now your ex won’t stick to it. Maybe they don’t show up for pick-ups. Maybe they’re constantly “forgetting” the schedule or refusing to communicate. Whatever the pattern, it leaves you juggling logistics and emotions you shouldn’t have to manage alone.

Here’s the thing: you can’t control your ex. But you can control how you respond — and how well you document what happens.

Step 1: Keep a Detailed Record

Write down every missed pick-up, late return, or refusal to follow the plan. Dates, times, short notes — nothing fancy.
Use a notebook, Google Doc, or a parenting-app message log. The goal is a clean, neutral record you can use later if you need to show a pattern of behavior.

Step 2: Stay Calm - Even When It’s Infuriating

You’re not overreacting by being upset. It’s unfair and exhausting.
But don’t let anger drive your response. Keep your communication brief, factual, and polite. The calmer and more consistent you are, the more credible you’ll appear if things escalate.

Step 3: Protect the Kids From the Conflict

Your children shouldn’t have to carry the tension between adults. Try not to vent in front of them or make them choose sides. Remind them the schedule isn’t their fault — and that both parents love them, even when one struggles to follow through.

Step 4: Revisit the Agreement if Needed

If violations keep happening, it might be time to request a modification or a court-clarified schedule. Having your documentation ready makes that process faster and far less stressful.

Step 5: Focus on What You Can Control

Co-parenting with a difficult ex can make you feel powerless, but you’re not. You’re setting an example for your kids about integrity and resilience.
You’re also building a solid foundation if legal steps ever become necessary — and that preparation is power