We Sat Together at the Game

I Missed Sharing the Kids With Him.

I’m not saying this happens for everyone. I know every divorce and every co-parenting relationship is different. I just know this was one of the things that broke my heart the most. Realizing it wasn’t gone forever felt like a small, unexpected win.

My divorce was finalized in September 2023. It’s spring 2026 now, and I’ve been reflecting on how different things feel when I see and talk to my ex.

For the first two years, communication between us was tense, guarded, and uncomfortable. We were enemies, not partners. We were both scared to reveal anything that could come back to bite us in court. There was no joy when I had to be around him at school events or sports. I felt sick, angry, and so very wronged. I felt like he had no business ruining my experience at moments where we both had to be there.

I was so mad that he was stealing my joy.

One of the things I most looked forward to when I pictured our future, and what I mourned the most when we divorced, was the two of us sitting together, celebrating our kids.

Watching our quiet son step out of his shell and win Team MVP. Watching him grow, struggle, succeed, and become who he is. I love sharing my kids’ news with my friends. But it’s not the same as sharing it with the person who knows. Who knows how shy that child was. Who knows what that accomplishment really means.

I thought I lost the person with whom I shared my pride and joy about our kids.

For me, that was the biggest loss in the divorce. But then something changed.

This past season, our son moved down a level in his sport after not making the top team he'd been on the year prior. It was a huge disappointment at the time. But on this new team, he became a leader. He encouraged his teammates. He was voted captain. He grew up in front of our eyes over four months in a way we had never seen before.

My heart was bursting watching it happen. And so was his dad’s.

 We started saving each other seats at games. Laughing about the kids’ funny rituals. Beaming when he played well. And honestly, beaming even more when he didn’t play well but handled it with maturity and perspective — because we realized we had raised a good, emotionally stable kid who loved his sport but knew it didn’t define him. This is great parenting stuff. The best parenting stuff!

We were celebrating it together. Laughing, grabbing each other’s arms, sharing pictures and our pride about who this kid was becoming. I missed that so very much. My absolute favorite part of being married. And I got it back.

Our kids’ successes and failures are still going to be celebrated and weathered together. Even when there are new partners, new lives, and new traditions, this part is still ours.

These are our kids. And they bring us joy.

I used to think divorce stole that from me, and was elated to learn it was only temporary. I don't wish for the life I had when we were married. I'm enjoying my new experience and  love the interesting turns my life is taking.

But I missed this. I always missed this. And it’s back. And for that, I feel joy. I look forward to all that’s coming that we can still share; games, plays, prom, college acceptances, birthdays. I wanted that. And I still have it.

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